o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
