Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
