I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
