I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
