Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm too high and old for this...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
