Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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