Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
