so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
