I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
