it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
