I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
