true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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