its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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