I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
