nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
