angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
please don't ironically join a cult
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