She's JV to your varsity
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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