You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
