dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
