this just has baby written all over it
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
