WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
