Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i drank out of a bidet.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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