I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
