I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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