i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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