Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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