Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
accomplished twins. life is a go
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
