my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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