Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
