this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
