So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
