last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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