Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
