why didn't you poke me back
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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