Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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