In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
