no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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