I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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