A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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