This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
