So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
