You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
