when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
