Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
