that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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