His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
