I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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