i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
