Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
