everyone is single if you try hard enough
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We left an ass print on the piano.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
