I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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