He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
